welcome to the blog!

Hey mamas!! Today is a super special post.  We celebrated our beautiful daughter Ollie’s 4th birthday on Wednesday! I really cannot believe it, she is getting so big before my eyes.  So in honor of hr getting older and smarter and funnier, I want to share her birth story with you 🙂 I know that this is a controversial topic-birth.  I also know that there are 2 kinds of moms out there: those who loved pregnancy and those who didn’t.  I did not.  So I’ll preface this by saying that if you want sunshine and flowers don’t continue and just come back next Friday!

I didn’t love being pregnant.  I was super sick to the point of losing too much weight, I was always exhausted to the point of not getting out of bed.  It just wasn’t fun.  I wasn’t glowing (unless you count sweaty or clammy) and I didn’t have the typical break in my 2nd trimester.  I had all of the 1st trimester feelings and then all of the 3rd trimester feelings every day.  I was too skinny, then I was HUGE.  My face swelled up and I couldn’t walk from one end of the room to the other.  I guess that’s just the way it goes sometimes.  When it got time to start planning for her arrival, I knew I wanted oh so bad to be that super mom who pushes natural and did the skin to skin still attached and breast feed and have everything be beautiful.  Can I just tell you that NONE of that happened? I was induced twice.  Yup read that again- twice.  It was awful.  The first time was painful and I was ready and to leave the hospital still pregnant with instructions to come back in 3 days was heart breaking.  I remember crying and hiding under a pillow because I just couldn’t take it any more.  So three days later I waddled my big booty in and I said to my Dr, “I am not leaving this hospital until I have a baby.” Well that happened all right.  I was induced for a second time and things were at a stand still.  Nothing was happening.  I would dilate to 2 cm and then an hour later I’d be back at 0.  I was going on hours and it was exhausting.  I could watch my stomach contact and release and nothing was happening.  So we decided to break my water and see if that would light a fire under my little girl to get a move on.  That was the weirdest thing ever.  But still, nothing. So we went to the OR for a c-section.  It was freezing and bright and loud.  Nothing at all how I wanted but at that point I didn’t care at all.  The Dr. was talking me through everything and we even joked around a bit until the hubby came in.  Then a few minutes later they pried my baby girl out of my womb and I heard her.  I was crying and shaking and all I could say was “Is she cute?” Yup. Mother of the year recipient here.  My whole plan out the window in hour, but it was ok because now I had my daughter.  Or so I thought.  She didn’t snuggle up to me the way she did her daddy.  I woke up in recovery (because I was exhausted) to him holding her and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  He handed her to me to do some skin snuggling and she cried, and cried, and cried.  He took her back and she stopped. It took a few tries but we managed.  Breast feeding was a flop.  I just didn’t have it in me.  I tried. Boy did I try.  But it was ok because she went from not eating to eating and that is all that matters. If I knew now that all of these things would carry onto her life I’d not have made such a big deal about it.  She’s a daddy’s girl and a crazy eater.  She is so smart and beautiful and I am so proud that I made her.

It’s a crazy thing pregnancy and birth.  It’s a whole different world and at the end you’ve created life.  A beautiful pure life that looks up at you with nothing but love.  It truly is remarkable.  Even though cooking her and taking her out was awful, it made her who she is and she is perfect.  Happy birthday my love.  I can’t wait to see what life brings you.

Well there ya have it.  My imperfect birth story.  Take it with a grain of salt because as women, we are strong and powerful and mighty.  We endure pain beyond what;s measurable. To all of my future mamas out there.  You can do it! You will do it! and as cliche as it sounds, it’s all worth it in the end when they hand you that little blanketed bundle of an alien looking baby 😉

Make it great loves!

-Sam